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I was recently referred to as a mindfulness meditation “expert” in some promotional literature for a collaborative project that I am co-leading this summer. 

My first reaction was, “Nope. No, I’m not.” 

It was a visceral reaction that felt like a heavy stone in my gut.

I don’t want to be labeled as an expert.

I have certainly never referred to myself as one.

I don’t know everything there is to know about mindfulness. There are books I haven’t read, important names I don’t know, people who know more than me, techniques and strategies I haven’t tried, and on and on. 

So, on the verge of feeling like a complete imposter and before asking to have the words removed from my name, I decided to look up the word “expert” to find out what it even is that we’re referencing when we use it.

Here is what I found at etymonline.com:

“Expert”: early 15c., ‘person wise through experience’; from Old French expert, espert "experienced, practiced, skilled.”

It is fascinating how my first thoughts and impressions of the word “expert” were solely connected to head knowledge. 

Don’t get me wrong, I have put in my time in the mindfulness field in terms of training, completing certification processes, getting supervision, reading, writing, and even teaching mindfulness courses.

But, that’s not the actual emphasis of the word. 

Isn’t that extraordinary?


The emphasis of the word is actually wisdom that comes from experience, practice, and the development of skills. 

The feeling of the heavy stone in my gut begins to dissipate and dissolve, especially as I consider, acknowledge, and honor my story.

Mindful living saved my life at the end of the year in 2015 when I worked with an Occupational Therapist at our local concussion clinic and she introduced me to the world of iRest, or Integrative Restoration - a school of Yoga Nidra and mindfulness meditation developed by Dr. Richard Miller. 

I found unexpected hope in that first session when I experientially realized that I wasn’t in an inescapable bubble of unending pain but rather that there were sensations of pain happening in specific parts of my body. 

I experienced the reality that I could be with the ebbs and flows of life from a place of equanimity and wholeness. 

On that day, I got a small taste of that wholeness and that unchanging peace.

It was the first hope I had experienced and it came at a time when I was at the end of my rope.

I immediately jumped into the practices as though my life depended on them — because it did — and after months of practicing, I was encouraged by my occupational therapist to go to a Level One 5-day intensive training that would serve as much as a therapeutic intervention as anything else. 

She said, “You actually do your homework. That’s unusual.”

I said, “I’ll die if I don’t.”

She said, “Well, then go get trained by Richard (the founder of iRest) before he dies.”

So, I did.

In April of 2016, I traveled to southern California, following a call that I couldn’t resist answering.

Every day of my life since has been immersed in the practices of mindfulness meditation. 

I went through the multi-year process of becoming certified in iRest Yoga Nidra and then jumped into another school of Yoga Nidra called the Integrative Amrit Method of Yoga Nidra™ or simply I Am Yoga Nidra™.  I went through another certification process, feeling that I had found a way of being and a practice that not only helped me but also helped others live a full life regardless of the circumstances.

But those credentials only tell a small part of the story and not the “expert” part, even though they were always a combination of knowledge and practice. 

The practice is the practice.

The expertise is in the living, not the certification or credentialing document.

In fact, Seth Godin says, “Credentialing lulls us into false confidence about who is actually an expert. The fact that you have a degree doesn’t mean you have insight, experience, or concern. You’ve acquired a piece of paper, but that doesn’t mean you care. Actions matter more today than ever before. We can see your work, hear your words, and understand your intent.  Today, we can go beyond the credential and actually see your impact. We can create a body of work and a community that understands the impact we’re capable of. I’m not provoking you to become a charlatan (or to follow one). Simply to take the opportunity that is available to engage in the long process of earning genuine expertise, in service of making a change” (The Practice, pp. 158,9).

Thanks, Seth. 

Agreed. 

My expertise — the wisdom through experience in the service of self and others — came and continues to come in the constant usage of these practices and techniques to walk through the 7 years of recovery from a traumatic brain injury. And the more I learn, the more I see how much I forgot that I used to know. That’s a fun one to work with!

I think I will always feel like a beginner. In fact, I hope I do. I love learning from the sages and teachers of the past and present. I love learning from my students at BSU who are already so wise and continually inspire me. Each day is ripe with one moment after another to wake up more and more, learn more and more, and share the journey with others. 

Mindfulness mediation is really just a way of being for me, now. It is part of who I am when I am waking and when I am “sleeping.” 

It guides my therapy practice, it is the foundation of retreats I facilitate, and it is the focus of most of the courses I teach at Boise State University. 

It informs my marriage, my parenting and all of my relationships.

It is my life.

Or, perhaps more accurately said, mindfulness meditation has connected me to life, to who I truly am: unchanging loving awareness.

With love, I am.

An expert? 

I don’t know. I’m still on the fence about that word.

But, with love, I am.

With love, I am.

I am.

Peace.